We supposedly have over 90,000 thoughts per day and often those thoughts are not very helpful to us. We criticize ourselves; we criticize others, we compare ourselves unfavorably. This radio U-SUCK runs through our head all day and leaves us feeling worn out and hopeless. An easy way to start to get a hold on those unhelpful thoughts and turn our perspective around is by adding one or two small words to the end of our negative self talk. Maybe your thought is that you feel totally depressed, or like a complete failure. Maybe your child is driving you crazy with their irritating questions. Try adding the words “right now” onto the end of any negative thought. “I am anxious right now,” has a very different feel from “I am anxious.” “My finances are a mess right now,” feels a lot less hopeless than “My finances are a mess.” The other word to try adding to your thoughts is “yet.” A growth mindset is essential for getting through a challenge. You are not stuck, you just are not where you want to be, but you are growing and learning. Feel how much more stuck “I can’t balance a budget” feels compared to “I can’t balance a budget, yet.” Give your children the same grace. Instead of “He is never going to be able to tie his shoes,” try, “He can’t tie his shoes yet.” My son took a long time to learn how to tie his shoes and I remember really worrying about it. I have no idea at what point I noticed he was just doing it and had somehow learned how. I could have saved myself a lot of grief by just adding “yet.” When you catch yourself beating yourself up for not measuring up, try changing the self-talk, but changing the end of the sentence. Play around with it and see how that changes your perception of yourself as someone who is growing and stretching to do better. Do you have a question for one of our experts as it pertains to helping you move forward during or post breakup or divorce? Ask us HERE.