Financial Advice Divorce

Spending Time Alone Starts in the Middle of the Bed

Spending time alone?  No thanks.

I’m one of those “I don’t like to sleep alone” people. When my husband first left, I was lonely and heartbroken. I didn’t want to sleep without him. Heck, I didn’t want to eat without him, shower without him, breathe without him. Spending time alone was not my cup of tea, to say the least. Deep down though, I knew this was best – for the both of us.

So I slept with the TV on (one thing we used to argue about. I’ve always hated sleeping with the TV on! Ironic, huh?) because it helped me feel less alone and it drowned out the scary nighttime house noises. Eventually, my body started to curl over to his side and before I knew it, I was diagonal! Head on the top right, feet on the bottom left. Arms splayed out like a starfish. It was GLORIOUS.

This was the first obvious difference I noticed, but slowly, other benefits to being on my own appeared in my day to day life. I started to appreciate this time and enjoying my own company something I never knew I was capable of doing.

Being comfortable in your own skin, without needing validation from anyone else, allows you to truly know yourself. The more understanding you have of who you are, the more likely you are to find happiness – not only in general, but very much so in your future relationships.

A Guide to Spending Time Alone

Here are a few of our favorite ways of spending time alone – and actually enjoying it.

Accept Yourself

Sorry to be so cliché’, but it’s true. Accept yourself for who you are, truly, at this point in your life. Even if it’s hard. You aren’t in a position that you ever expected to be in, and that sucks. However, you are alive. You’re in control now.

Identify Your Core Values

What is important to you, so important that you base many of your decisions solely off of these moral codes? Here are some examples: honesty, health, openness, positivity, faith, family, generosity, authenticity, adventure, happiness, growth, loyalty.

Identify your top 10 values, list them, and use this awareness in to gain clarity. This can influence your decision making, the way you treat others, the way you raise your children, the way you treat yourself.

Establish Boundaries

Boundaries serve as protection in all of your relationships, including the relationship you have with yourself. Determine what is acceptable in your life and what is not. Some examples of healthy boundaries include: learning to say no; not letting yourself be a doormat for others to walk all over; prioritizing your well-being; standing up for yourself in conflict; not taking blame for other people’s mistakes; not waiting around for someone to change; refusing to put up with lies, etc.

Pursue Your Passion

Nothing can make you feel fulfilled and energized like following your dreams. If you want to open a crafty Etsy shop or go to an open mic night to sing or start your own business – jump in! You have nothing and no one holding you back but yourself. Your desires deserve to be fulfilled. Your creativity and talent should be fostered and allowed to flourish! PS: You are NEVER too old to chase your dreams!!! No excuses!

Unplug from Time to Time

While keeping in touch and seeing everybody’s adorable kids and animals on Facebook is amazing, it can also seriously mess with your head. You get to thinking “why can’t my life be like that?” “what does she have that I don’t?” This is the absolutely WRONG way to think but we all do it. Remember the quote: “Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to everyone’s highlight reel”? ON POINT!  If you start to feel the pity party lingering, take a little break from the never-ending scrolling on Facebook. Instead, keep yourself entertained by getting into a new hobby.

Unfortunately, we’re not born knowing who we are. Humans are a constant work-in-progress, and your particular work is up to you. Spending time alone can help you understand where you need to grow.  Getting comfortable with who you are and where you’re headed will make you understand your needs, ultimately making you the most confident you’ve ever been.

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