how do you start dating after divorce

Are you Ready to Date?

Figuring out if You’re Ready to Date

I think the tendency for a lot of us is to jump back in and find another man to clear our heads from our marriage. And rebound relationships are okay if you can manage your expectations and not take them too seriously. While you may want a little distraction, that doesn’t mean you’re ready to date again.

Trust me, we all know how it would be so great to have another man pay attention to us and find us attractive (and you are!). But jumping right into another relationship without first really going through the grieving process and getting past the anger and sadness is a mistake. Any next relationship will be under the shadow of your marriage. You will be more attractive if you are self confident, have interests and are not whining about your failed marriage.

Here are a few questions to consider that’ll help you decide if you’re ready to date

  • Can I spend time by myself without freaking out?
  • Am I done obsessing over my Ex and stalking his Instagram feed?
  • Do I know I am not dating to get back at my Ex?
  • Am I dealing with my feelings rather than avoiding feeling them with things like food, Netflix, and booze?
  • Have I spent time making new friends or spending a good amount of time with current girlfriends?
  • Do I talk to my friends – or a therapist – about how I’m doing and get support when I need it?
  • Do I take care of myself physically, healthy eating and exercise?
  • Have I fostered interest/hobbies/work that is fulfilling?

When you’ve explored these, you’ll have a good sense for why you want to date and if you’re ready to get back out there.  There’s no set time limit, and everyone’s different, but it’s important to be honest with yourself so you don’t end up feeling worse at a time when you want to do everything you can to feel better.

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