Break-Ups, Divorce, and Social Media
We get asked a lot about whether to stay connected on social media. While there are certainly some exceptions, we recommend cutting the ties. This doesn’t have to be mean or aggressive. You don’t have to block them on Facebook. Rather, simply unfriend him. If you’re on friendly terms, you can have a conversation about it first.
As with any break-up, you don’t need constant reminders of what your Ex is doing, where he’s going and whom he’s hanging out. This can be painful, and social media is often very hard to resist. Do you really want to see that he checked in at your favorite sushi spot or that he’s at a party with a bunch of people you know? You might think you do in the moment, but following his life has detrimental effects on yours. It certainly doesn’t help you move on – and you have your next chapter to start writing!
While some people stay connected with their Ex on Facebook because of the kids, this isn’t necessary. You can share pictures and other life events in other ways – ways that don’t allow each of you access to the other’s life. Make an agreement with your Ex that you’ll text photos, or create a Dropbox or other shared folder for this purpose. (A Dropbox folder can be very convenient for school, medical and other information sharing.)
His Family and Friends
Now, what about his mom/siblings/friends . . . Yes, it’s even more complicated now. This really depends on your circumstances and your own relationship with each one of these people. Were you married for 20 years and very close with your Ex’s mother? Then your relationship (in social media & in real life) doesn’t have to change. During your mourning stage, if you think there are going to be posts from others about your Ex, use Facebook’s ‘Hide posts’ feature. You are still friends, but their posts are hidden so you don’t have to see them during this and any other time you need it. When you are up to it again, you can just change the setting back. You can also take a social media hiatus. This is a good thing to do from time to time and can help you focus on yourself.