Better Than Revenge: Moving on After Divorce

rather than revenge, move on after divorce

Divorce Revenge Is Tempting

Moving on after divorce can be a challenge, to say the least, especially when your mind keeps turning over those revenge fantasies over and over and over.  Carrie Underwood made slashing tires and busting windshields sound pretty satisfying for a woman scorned.  Miranda Lambert made being a crazy ex-girlfriend sound like a ball!  Plotting revenge can be therapeutic in itself.  Daydreaming of creative methods to get retribution might be pretty fun and help you get some closure, but it can quickly become self-destructive and make you feel even worse.  Before you retaliate with a baseball bat to his ugly old Chevy, take a look at some other ways to feel better.

Keep Calm and Move On

1. Let’s Get Physical

Because we’re going with a theme here, I might as well throw in some Olivia Newton-John.  She doesn’t seem bitter or angry, and one reason for that might be her interest in working out. (Wait a minute…that song isn’t about physical fitness, is it…) Anyway, the point I’m making is this: the best way to get moving on after divorce is to get your move on.  Take a kickboxing class. Start Crossfit. Become an MMA fighter. Doing something physical will help you get some of that energy out on a more appropriate target. It’ll also give you a way to release everything that’s bottled up on the inside – and make you damn sexy at the same time.

2. Use Your Anger About Your Divorce For Good

The intense emotions you’re experiencing can feel powerful and overwhelming.  That’s not a bad thing.  You can take that intensity and turn it into fuel, channeling that anger into energy for success. It could for your career, a passion project, or a volunteer organization, anything where you can focus your energy on something productive.   A successful you lasts and has the added bonus of making you feel good, as opposed to the quick thrill of breaking into his house to put Nair in his shampoo bottle. (Although that thrill might last a few good weeks!) When he cyber-stalks you a year from now and sees you rocking at life, he’ll know just what he’s been missing out on, and you’ll have moved on so far you won’t even care.

3. Live Well

George Herbert once said, “Living well is the best revenge.”  Living a meaningful life is the stuff of dreams for everyone.  Rise above the drama.  Petty arguments do little to serve us, instead, getting us all fired up and angry over nothing.  People that can control their responses and show true maturity in the face of conflict are admirable and happier.  Spending your time and energy on getting revenge will leave you little to show for it, aside from an even angrier ex and a potential string of embarrassments and humiliations. Enjoying life is the best way to show someone their actions have not deterred you from living your best life.

4. Karma Chameleon

Decide to put your faith in karma.  This means that you trust that what comes around goes around, and your ex will get whatever is truly coming to him, without your doling it out.  Focus on creating your own good karma by moving forward in ways that create good in the world and that are respectful to other people.  Karma does its thing, it comes and goes (according to Culture Club). Sit back, relax, and let karma take care of the dirty work.

5. Forgive

I’ve saved this for last because it’s the most difficult.  Make a choice to change your attitude for your own well-being.  There’s a saying attributed to the Buddha that says holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  It only hurts you.  Let it go – and know that it may take you some time to get to that place.  That’s okay, too.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting your ex back into your life. It means you’re allowing yourself to move from feeling angry and vengeful to healing and moving on after divorce.

Moving On After Divorce Means Letting Go

I’ll end with a little Taylor Swift wisdom. In her song about getting revenge (because of course she has a song about revenge), she says “Sophistication isn’t pushing people down to get you where you want to go.” Thanks for the reminder, Tay Tay.  We keep revenge at the fantasy level and even let that go.  We are sophisticated, beautiful women, and we have much bigger, better things to do in this world!

Do you have great alternatives to revenge?  Share the ways you’re moving on after divorce with us at hello@chapter2club.com or on Facebook.  Bonus points if they have song lyrics!